Friday, November 20, 2009

null and void

have you ever felt loneliness?? has it ever left you numb?? have you sometimes wanted to run away from reality and create your own world of fantasies? or is it just me whose feeling all this crap? why am i getting such weird feelings?
i am living with my parents, my sis.. but still there is something that is burning inside me. lots is happening man!! i am too far away from my coveted desires and i'm rather blank as to when will i get them materialized. all that i can say is that i'm BLANK. all i think about is my life. all i want is the one to whom i have surrendered it all.
this feeling you know, is damn crazy. it doesn't let you do anything else. all it does is make you as restless as possible. and as if that was not enough, i have my CAT exam 2 weeks ahead and you can very well guess my condition regarding my preparation. I'm trying hard to cope with the situation but all in vain.
it gets worse when you know that this is now or never for you and whatever amount of hardwork you can put in is NOW. and all i'm thinking is.... you know what.
maybe i'm some kinda idiot who is hitting her own foot on the axe, but i still feel i'm not alone.
and i can defend myself by saying that whatever m going thru right now is for the very first time. never have i felt so insecure, so bad, so so so wrong. things feel so wrong.. yes..... wrong is the word.
you know sometimes the patience inside you runs out and all you have to do is burst open. ever since i completed my B.E. (ever since means 8 months :P), i have been at home and just at home. i had nothing to do except study for CAT and other life threatening exams.
now at present all i want is that i get my joining in the company that i have been waiting for, for the past 4-5 months, or i get enrolled in a good ,decent institution to go ahead with my mba, that i'm not really in a mood to do ;)
i wish this phase passes as soon as possible. this has been the worst one that i have ever come across. and i hope i never have to go thru it again ever.
i wish someone's listening .. i meant ... GOD :)